Britain's Got Empathy

Considering last week I talked about secondary characters in TV and the media, today I'm going to continue that streak of media, mainly television.

Well, as most of you will have heard "Britain's got the X factor" finished on Friday night and whether you watch it or not, you must of heard some of the crazy stories coming from it, the main reason for this being that the news is talking about it more than Clarkson talks about foxes, which is a lot. With a lot of these reality tv programs I tend to steer clear, who's coming out of the jungle? I don't care, but if it's mentioned that some deadbeat celeb' got jiggly with a banana tree or an ex footballer got attacked by an alligator, you can bet your house that I'll know all about it. but when it comes to these talent shows, the only reason I tune in at all is to watch the auditions, cos who doesn't love a crazed sith lord dancing to Michael Jackson? just a little note, he made it to the semi finals, you can see it here, give it a go, it's hilarious.

So, back to Fridays final. I always thought that like me, people tuned into watch idiots in fancy dress be torn down by Simon Cowell, or to see some surprisingly good dance by some kids or something, you know to have a good laugh at people a million times braver than us, apparently not, 19 million people tuned in on Friday to watch the final, the highest viewing figures ever since the dawn of time, and by the dawn of time I mean 2003, OK, so it isn't a huge deal, but it's something that got me thinking.

Reality shows are cheap to make, they cost hardly anything really, compared to hugely awesome shows such as the American "heroes" or our "Dr Who" and as we can see, people now are taking interest in the stories as oppose to just laughing when some old guy with his trousers too high say that a 60 year old puppy juggler has no chance. That's right, Britain has empathy. If you don't believe me then look at all this uproar about this Susan Boyle character (just one story of the millions.) Now I wont pretend to care what went wrong in the final, but apparently she is suffering exhaustion, and a child involved with the show also is in trauma or dead or something bad because Simon said some nasty things.

So Reality shows dominate the airwaves because they are cheap and now people of Britain actually care, they are getting brilliant viewing figures. so does this mean the end for brilliant dramas or comedies like "How I met your mother" "Dr Who" "House" "Heroes" and all the other well thought out, well acted (occasionally) and well loved shows? No, it doesn't, and Ill tell you one reason why, well I could give you a million reasons why. Ill ask you, does anyone remember Steve Brookstein? What about Brian Dowling? Or even Racheal Rice? Any one remember? No, well they are all winners of reality shows of television past. What about "Martin Hoberg Hedegaard" well you shouldn't really, he's the 2008 winner of Denmark's Xfactor. The reason these shows just wont succeed is simple, they are like the television version of milk, really good for bringing in the money, but have a shelf life as long as Tom Cruise is tall. they're not like shows such as "vicar of Dibley", or "only fools and horses", real British comedy which people still remember today people forget about them as soon as the next one comes along. which is why proper television will always prevail, because people can remember more than one sitcom at a time.

Joe Strange

I say we'll forget them all, but I will NEVER forget Darth Jackson. Ever.

Seconds anyone?

So, something I have thought about for a long time now; in films, TV, books, video games, any form of entertainment media, The secondary characters are always the show stealer's.

Think about the best sitcoms around today, now my bias may come through here but, Scrubs, How I Met Your Mother, Chuck, The Big Bang Theory, The Simpsons And Family Guy. I mean do you really prefer JD over Dr Cox? Barney will always steal a scene from Ted Or Robin, Jeff, Casey, Sheldon, Kuthripoli, Willie, Ralf and the incarnations of Bill Cosby all beat their main characters to the metaphorical punch(line). Now Don't get me wrong, I love the main characters, they drive the show, and I'm not saying that we should scrap them and make way for the second in commands. But the phenomenal characters that we get from this, a prime example is How I Met Your Mother, in season 1 Barney was an awesome, suit wearing, womanising 1 dimensional character, now 3 seasons later he's a awesome, suit wearing womanising 2 dimensional character because the writers realise he's an asset, making the viewing experience better for all of us. of course using a second character for views and laughs is all fun and games until it goes too far.

"If Secondary characters be the food of laughs, give us excess of it." Yeah you do that and you will burst in an implosion of a thing I like to call lack-of-story-amite, a hilarious implosion, but a breakdown all the same. A brilliant example of this is a very beloved show for a lot of people I know, "The Big Bang Theory". When this first started we were told it will be a show about Penny and Leonard, but now, with the second season at an end, I can't help to think we may as well change the name to "the Sheldon Show". 67% of the airtime of that show is now "sheldon does something funny" I mean don't get me wrong, I love it. But it stops a good comedy, from becoming a great show.

Now I complain about these characters being both a blessing and a curse for a television show, but what about the Barney and Sheldon's of the big screen? Well In a sense, the rule about "Little Airtime = great characters" stands for these as well,since we don't become as attached to these characters we don't question it when they stick a polecat down their trousers and run around a police station. When I think about a few recent comedies that come to mind now, Forgetting Sarah Marshal, Dodgeball(recent?), Anchorman, All the secondary characters shine through, Who doesn't love Paul Rudd's watchless surfer in FSM, Or Pete the Pirate in Dodgeball? And who can look me in the screen and say to me, I prefer Ron Burgundy over Brick Tamland? No one, because they are all amazing.

I often think that perhaps they should have had more time, or perhaps another movie for them, then realise, No. that would involve getting to know them, and having a serious character development. can you truly imagine Tamland going through a divorce?

I can, and it would be Hilarious. Not Good. Hilarious.

Now looking back a few more years, to shows and films passed, you realise this is a fairly new phenomenon, friends didn't have an amazing secondary cast. Kenan And Kel was all about the orange soda and catdog, Pinky and the Brain, they had themselves to make funnies. It seems the 90's were a time of doubleacts, and groups, this is the comedy of the 90's, but for the '00's I can assure you it is secondary characters, so sit back, relax cos Barney isn't going anywhere.

Joe Strange

All data presented in this blog is 100% accurate. Don't check, just trust me.

Nature Deserves An ASBO

First of all, I am dreadfully sorry about my fortnightly absence, It seems college and exams got the better of me and I was too strained to write, or do anything for that matter, even revise.

Now to this weeks topic.

Today, on one of my many walks around my village, I decided to take a scenic route to my house, as oppose to the straight line that I normally take. A straight line to and from somewhere? Why that's impossible! I disagree, While turning on the spot may, to passers by, make you look like an indecisive fool, it has it's uses if you live in a relatively linear village. So, I walked straight passed my house and went down A delightful country lane. Down this lane I happened upon a majestic, colourful, regal pigeon, well a large pigeon, it could very well have been a pheasant. Anyway, this inquisitive creature was poking around a garden, most likely trying to find a way into the abode to steal an MP3 player, I hear they fetch a high price on the foul market.
Now, as I live in the estate of the village and only ever leave to go to college or work this was a rare sight for me. I reached for my camera to catch the culprit in the act of theft, but I was too slow and it hopped to the next garden, I proceed to pursue the thief but was outmatched by the fact that god preferred them over us and gave birds wings.
The sad thing is I will most likely see that bird on the nearby road since people insist on driving 1,000,000 MPH along my village.

And then, continuing my walk, having had a bitter taste of wildlife "photography" and by the term I mean pointing the camera at the bird, and then catching only the garden as it has flown away. (A very nice garden it is too.) I grasp my camera looking for more fluffy creatures or more of gods examples of favouritism. not long was I strolling along the meandering lane as I stopped, looked down to my feet and saw a small wild rabbit staring at me in the face. This brought back fond memories of when I was walking along the road to work and stopped, looked down to see a small brown rabbit staring me down, I stepped cautiously to try not to startle it it bolted towards the road, and then back into the hedge, once again I cursed god for not giving me that comically quick movement, I smiled at seeing the lovely 'ickle bunny and continued on. My fond memories brought to a halt as I remember the poor brown shape that lay on the same road two days before. The rabbit had gone, AND the bastard has stolen my MP3 player.

So after being mugged, and slowly being convinced nature is a hoodie, I decide to take the back route to my house, now this involves climbing an overgrown hedge and traversing a tree and THEN clambering over the fence. I haven't done this for a few years and forgot what neglect can do to both a body and a back entrance. I swung over some nettles using an overhead branch, and then pulled myself up the bank using another branch, pleased at my efforts I smiled, peered over the fence to realise, this was not my house. Nor was the one to the left or right of me, in fact my house was 2 houses along from this one. Obviously in precautions for the Thieving ferrets or scheming squirrels of the neighbourhood, this branch was fitted with an anti burglar device and broke, I, thinking fast reached for the overhead branch, unfortunately my ankle had attracted some thorns and this stopped me from avoiding the fall, tearing my jeans and causing me to fall into a mixture of nettles and rocks. Disgruntled I walked around and came in the front door, where I proceeded to write to you. Because I care about you and don't want you to get mugged by a rabbit, assaulted by a vine or tricked by a pheasant.

So in conclusion, Stay inside make less attempts to change your routine, because nature is a bully who wants your dinner money.

Joe Strange
Proceeding outside can cause many side effects, worst of all the horrible growth known as a social life, you have been warned.

1,2,3,4: I Declare A Gang War

OK, so last week I talked about how I am really fed up of deadlines, now that was something which had been slowly chipping away at my sanity like some sort of annoyance woodpecker, now tonight, I am talking about something that, instead of a woodpecker is a full grown ostrich tearing at my sanity. Now I don't like to complain too much, but I think tonight's topic is going to be a home hitter for everyone, Young People.

Now I'm not talking about my age group, or older, or even slightly younger, in fact I think the cut off point is 15. you see, at 16 -18 year old we are finding our way in the world, choosing things that actually matter, and making important life decisions, now I don't want to get on my high horse, mainly because that would involve either a step ladder or the ability to ask for help, both of which I am lacking, but see 15 year olds and younger, they are all just trying to grow up too fast.

"thanks for stating the obvious there Joe." I hear you say, well stop shouting so loud and let me speak, you see, kids aren't just putting make up on by the time they are toddling, or drinking drinks that are blue enough to make your discretion look like a depressed smurf by the time they learn the ABC, they, oh wait another one, or having sex before they turn double digits, anyway, they're not just doing all these crazy things that they assume are "cool" or "hip" (yes in that sentence I was playing the part of the geography teacher who is "Down with the kids" you know who you are and you make me sick) you see those who aren't in a hurry to catch an STI or to kill their liver before they start developing an immune system, they're too worried about taking on responsibility that they shouldn't have.

I know this, because I was one of those kids, the ones that didn't have any fun in their early teens. You see, pressure is being piled on young people now a days more than make up is piled on Angelina Jolie. At 6 they have their first standardised test, at 11 they have to choose what secondary school they want to go to, at 14 they have to choose their options, now this one really annoys me, schools emphasise the importance of these options, saying that they will shape your life forever, which is pure and utter, 100% natural organic bull plop.

For instance, I took History at GCSE, sensible choice I hear you say? Once again stop speaking so loudly, and no it wasn't, at A level, I'm doing psychology, media, English and drama. Well those subjects have some good aspects of history in them? No they don't, not the way GCSEs give you everything you need on the island which is the exam, lifeboat of correct phrasing, the flare of answering technique, and I see a distinct lack of the ham sandwich of background knowledge! do schools not realise we take these subjects because we enjoy learning about it, and we want to know about it, not about how to answer the question.

So kids today have taken it upon them to shape themselves much too early, and have therefore seen the adult gang films, and realised, "adults are like that, I think we should be like that too!"
This is were all the negative stigma which is associated with young people stems from walk around a town and tell me with an honest face that you are not even the smallest amount intimidated when a group, neigh, swarm of small, addidas clad, cap wearing, trainer scuffing gnats slowly laze towards you. You can't, it is all ridiculous, this is also were the idea of cliques and social norm comes from, gangs! groups of friends you hang out with at primary grow into people you barely recognise at secondary, and then you are part of the swarm, scaring old biddies off they're flymo.

Now here is my solution, when you have kids, be it 2 years, 20 years, or even right now, please don't let them get overwhelmed, talk to them and tell them, the big choices don't start until they turn 15 or 16. Then they can start stressing, having sex and drinking radioactive waste. or else, like me you'll just spend thousands of pounds per annum on ostrich repellent.

Joe Strange
Really hopes his old geography teacher doesn't have his new address.

Expendable Deadlines.

First of all let me apologise for not updating in a LONG time, because it's sort of ironic since work load and work related problems is what I'm going to talk about. One thing we all prepare for, we dread if we aren't prepared, and we cant wait to be over. No, not the awkward first date with a life long friend, not attempting to move the huge fat guy that passed out on you at that wild party you went to, not even accurately and in brilliant, graphic detail explaining to your lecturer how your bowel movements have had you more committed to your bathroom than a 14 year old who had their first shot and that is the reason you haven't been attending classes, none of these things, but Deadlines.

Deadlines are like the rotten grape of time (yes in this analogy your mere existence is being turned into a fruit basket), you get it, inevitably. You pick it up, throw it to the back of the basket (your mind)and leave it there, carelessly. Little do you know the rottenness is actually a bacterial grape infection and will pass onto all your other fruit, eventually, as all the grapes are gone, all you are left with is a few mouldy pears, a brown banana and the one grape. The deadline. You have to eat that grape, or else you wont get your 5 a day, and we know how bad that is in this health crazed society (or miss the deadline in this analogy keep with me!)you think, oh that's fine, ill just help my self to a pear of socialising or a banana of relationships, but no, the deadline has infected them too, making it impossible for you to eat anything until the grape is gone.

If you followed that you are a saint.

What I'm saying is that deadlines, when not dealt with properly will destroy your life, even if you just threw the grape a little to the back, it wouldn't have screwed up the relationship with the girl in your drama class you have been silently admiring for the last month.(the banana) and if you had dealt with the project, assignment, payment as soon as you could have, you would have had a whole fruit basket for yourself.

But see now, lets say, you stomach it, you eat the grape, your project that you spent 8 hours painstakingly cutting down to fit to the word limit is finished, the deadline is today, your elated, once this day is over your finished with it. You look smugly around the class, to your left, a person is scribbling on what seems to be a mixture of napkin and toilet paper, to your right, a young woman explaining to your lecturer, in graphic detail, how she could see the complete contents of her lunch in her stools over the last 3 weeks. You looked down with a proud smile at your glistening folder, you put off a date with the cute girl from drama to finish this early, she understood, admired your for your commitment to your studies and allowed you a second try. This grape was nothing compared to the HUGE banana waiting next Friday at 7. You make eye contact with your lecturer, stand up and pass him your folder.
"Oh yes, well due to the fact that Timmy has ink on the last of the buildings toilet paper and Jenny has been inebriated, the deadline has been shifted to next week"
In the history of the universe has never been a better use of the verb "Face Palm"

That is my problem with deadlines, they pester you for weeks, then when they come around, they get moved, and moved and moved. Let me tell you, this would never have happened with the fat guy.

Joe Strange
Perhaps banana was the wrong fruit to use for relationships.