The Morning After the Day Before.

Now first of all, let us begin with pleasantries, I do indeed hope you all had a spectacular Christmas and that all the things that normally plague the 25th of December (disappointment, arguments and over eating) did not befall you. Apart from that last one, since you know you’ve had a good Christmas if the only form of travelling available to you is rolling. But the thing with Christmas, the big C, is the fact that once it starts, it’s pretty much over. Let’s face it, Christmas is brilliant, and even though I didn’t feel particularly Cringle-y before hand, my Christmas was really very nice (thanks for asking) it was slightly quieter than usual, with, instead of a sudden stream of visitors, a steady trickle of people, which was a pleasant change. But the thing with Christmas is it’s only really a day long, unless you’re like my family used to be, and have 2 Christmas’s for whatever reason, and in that case it’s only an extra day, it’s not like Easter, who gets a whole weekend to itself!
You wake up on the 26th (or 27th) of December, look around you at the debris of wrapping paper, packaging and slowly increasing amounts of selection box chocolate wrappers, and think “was that it?” or “Well, all over now” or, if you’re my sister, “Oh yay, 15 days until my birthday!” and at that point I’d agree with you, sit down, eat some of your chocolates and tuck in to your turkey leftovers, because this year, the day after boxing day, I had to work, now I know you’re probably thinking “Think of the money” or “at least you have a job” and I appreciate these things, but it means I didn’t have a day to see my friends and say “Give me some chocolate! But first, what did you get” unlike last year where I saw some friends, got drunk and went to Argos (great fun). This all meant that my Christmas spirit, which was so freshly picked from the tree, was soon shot down, stuffed and eaten because I was forced to “move on”. As I say since my festive spirit was really new and I think this was what really got me down about this year, all I could say was “Yeah my Christmas was great thank you, and you?” to customers, which just isn’t the same as sitting in someone’s living room, with a cider, and reminiscing about something that happened only hours ago. So within 24 hours Christmas has been and gone, or so you would think.
See, being the sweet old romantic I am, I have always preferred the build up to Christmas, which is why I was so disappointed when I didn’t get psyched for it this year, the slow realisation that there is only X number of shopping days left, seeing all the decorations go up, and watching the kids go absolutely mental (from behind a childproof one way mirror) are all really great parts of the holiday. And like I said, if you don’t jump the gun and start prepping for it straight after Halloween, the build up to the 25th, to Christmas, can in fact be part of the holiday, if not the best part!
One prime example of this idea is the tradition of “secret Santa” (how secret can a fat guy in a red suit be?) for those who are not aware of this, it isn’t, as the name suggests, Chris Cringle hiding their secret identity like superman, what it is is, you have a list of people in a group, and then a list of people in the same group and mix and match them up so that someone is getting a gift for someone else, now that second part is very important, it’s just not the same getting for yourself, then you all anonymously give the gifts to one another, and no one knows who gave what.
That’s it in theory, in practise, not so much.
What actually happens is far more exciting and fun. People scramble around trying to figure out who has whom, and swapping names so that they can get for their friend, get to reuse an old gift or get for someone who may get drunk enough to sleep with them, searching bookstores and DVD racks and perfume stands for the perfect gift, then cop out, get them some bath salts and be done with it. But it’s not just the gifts that have the anticlimatical essence of Christmas; the entire concept of a “Secret” Santa does too. During the weeks lead up people are mysterious, elusive and hard to find or understand, much like a French spy, they’ll do anything and everything to stop people from finding out who they are getting for, just in case word leaks out and the entire operation is compromised and then, when it comes to the present giving this all goes out the window as people destroy the disguise they had worked so hard to maintain by saying; “Do you like it? If you do, it was me, if not; Joe was your secret Santa” I’m left with a very angry recipient of a lacklustre gift and the build up of mystery is abolished faster than you can say “Seriously, it doesn’t mean you smell bad STOP THROWING THINGS AT ME”
What I’m trying to say in a roundabout way is that seriously people, relish the build up to Christmas, and then enjoy Christmas day, because after that, all you have to look forward to is drinking into the new year and if, like me, you didn’t get to enjoy the best part of Christmas, not the turkey, presents or queens speech, but the carols, the shopping and the wrapping, you’ve got 11 months to get ready to enjoy the hell out of 2010.
Savour Christmas while it lasts, there’s not much time, and so much to do.

Joe Strange
Since next Tuesday we will be in 2010, I want to wish you all a Happy New Year! And see you on the 5th!

Super Festive Edition!

So for this week’s blog I've decided to be all festive, take a seat, sit down, go on, take off your coat, sit by the fire, have a mince pie, some mulled wine perhaps?

So, It's Christmas on Friday, Wow eh? I say this because it really hasn’t felt like Christmas this year at all, not until Saturday in fact. Now I know what you’re thinking, “Joe, You rosy cheeked Christmas elf! How can you not notice Christmas the most magical time of the year?”
Well, dear reader, sit down, next to the fire, with a mince pie and some mulled wine and I shall tell you, MY Christmas story....

It all begins about halfway through November, you know the time, Halloween is a few weeks ago and therefore Christmas stock is in, people are beginning to ask you what you would like for Christmas, (and you still have no clue), and in the Joe Strange household, “Christmas” is a forbidden word. The thing is, me, being a 7 year old at heart, (I still, for instance laugh at the word “titmouse”) get very very excited around this time of year. Mystery, family and flashing lights, are all things that both get me excited and happen around this time of year. So to that effect, I decided this year that I was not going to even think about Christmas until December, which meant 2 weeks of avoiding the subject in November. This would mean that I would have more fun when it came to December and I finally joined in the party. Of course, no one told me that these 2 weeks of ignoring the “C” word, as it would then become known as, would be so painfully hard that I ignored the telly and stopped asking people what they were up to in case any variant of the word “Christmas” turned up, Noel, the holiday season, Xmas, national eat all you can day. This was particularly hard when it came to the notorious Coke advert, with its pretty lights and catchy jingle.
So at first I was avoiding the season, and now, I’m having trouble getting into the festive spirit, and as of Saturday, as I said, I am in the spirit, but that was 6 days before! I know i intended to be late to the party but not so late that the good nibbles were gone, all the fun people were gone and all that was left was breadsticks and people passed out!
So, I’m obviously being awkward about it, I hear to you think, I’m not, or not intentionally, I’ve had things on my mind since the beginning of the month which have subdued the festivities, as I mentioned 2 entries ago, my stand up show was taking up a lot of my thought time and my energies, which didn’t leave much room for small things like Jesus’ birthday, and then, after my gig I had to focus on getting college work done in time so that the last day of term could be a blast (I got it done, and it was).
Even the slowly increasing number of Christmas cards in my possession and the influx of tinsel in the college didn’t affect my Christmas mood.
Now I know you’re all thinking I’m some sort of scrooge, but it’s not just me personally that has had trouble with the whole Christmas thing, a friend of mine today said “Christmas gets worse as you get older”. Now while I agree on some points, the mystery is gone, people ask you what you want, the giant beardy paedophile doesn’t actually exist and you can no longer go to Santa’s grotto, I have to disagree with others, for instant, when you’re a kid the idea of family isn’t as cemented into your brain, and for me that’s a major draw for Christmas, I love my family, the atmosphere is more conscious as well, for once you do get into the mood, Christmas makes you feel ecstatic. (Hopefully or else here’s a humbug). And of course there’s the alcoholic excuse, this time of the year it’s perfectly acceptable to buy vast amounts of booze and not feel guilty, and if that isn’t a Christmas blessing I don’t know what is.
Another reason I think I’m not in the Christmas mood is because of the considerable lack of Christmas decorations in the house, you see, we keep the decorations in the attic, I’m the only one who can fit up there and therefore if I am away at college or work or unconscious, I am unable to retrieve these items and so there is no Christmas cheer in the Strange house.
2 things this weekend got me into the Christmas spirit, first of all, like many of my problems, this lack of festivity in my mind was solved by a few people, not my close friends, not my family, not even the A-team, but The Barenaked Ladies. This is by far my favourite band, for a number of reasons, but i recently and completely legally came into possession of their holiday album, which involves an extraordinary rendition of “jingle bells”. I challenge anyone to listen to that song and by the end of it not feel Christmassy, except you Ebenezer. And second of all, it snowed this weekend, and for those who live in the arctic, or Canada, or Greenland, this may not sound very impressive but here in Cornwall, it’s a ruddy big deal, it causes the entire place to grind to a halt, which is highly impressive. (For more information on this subject see blog entry “with this carrot”)

So thanks to those few things and of course, help from others, I have reached the point where I cannot wait for Friday the 25th of December. So thank you everyone for everything they’ve done for me this year, and this month, even if it’s as simple as reading this blog. Merry Christmas.

Joe Strange

If for some reason or another you do not celebrate Christmas please replace all instances of the “C” word with you’re holiday.

Myspace Archives.

Wait! This is madness is it not? not only 2 blogs in one week, but published on the same night?

Well, due to the fact that I looked on my last entry and realised... it's a tad lacking, I figured I'd just do 2 smaller ones for the price of one.

Now i say smaller, but this is in fact going to be a mammoth of a blog, but not because I am going to write a lot, because I HAVE written a lot.

Those who joined me when I first started up my Blogspot blogs, may remember me mentioning my old "myspace" blogs. you remember myspace right readers? that cool and indie place to go which was full of music and bands, then (nearly) everyone jumped ship and went over to old facebook?
well to make up for my small amount of new material this week, I now give you a large amount of OLD material.

Now, a lot of work has gone into searching the depths of Myspace for these blogs, I had to endure the lengthy login section, by pass the fathoms of the overfilled mailbox, creep by the "myspace" pictures which linger on and endure the updates of bands who have passed it, to bring you this... the Joe Strange preblogger era of blogs. before structure and form, before coherent thought there was the "Myspace stories"

Joe Strange

You may notice these are in fact on a blogger page, but this is so you do not have to endure the process which I had to to read them, I'm not even sure if non myspacers could read them, so here are the new copies. back to normal next week!

Stand up! Now, Sit, good lifetime dream.

Okay, so this week I'm taking a break from my usual "objective" blogs (where no opinion is shown at all) and talking specifically about something that has happened to me.

So for those who don't know me, I'm a huge fan of stand up, and comedy in general, so much in fact that I gave up learning to drive to visit the Edinburgh fringe festival.
This love of comedy caused me to become so obsessed that I started doing it myself. and on Saturday the 12th of December 2009. I had my first proper show.

Now the lead up to the show was something of a spectacle on my part, my mood would change from very nervous to highly excited in an instant, which lead costumers to believe I was riddle with drugs. (to explain that, I'll just say, my work is a bit lame in the fact I can ask for a day off and you can almost guarantee that they wont be able to do it, but the week after, NO PROBLEM. Therefore even though asking if I can get the day off I did not, meaning I had to be crazy in front of people.)
It did mean however that I got a whole lot of work done, because if I was hit by the nerves i needed something to pre-occupy my mind with, and if I was hit with the excitement I had more energy than a 6 year old boy who's been introduced to speed, so could do lots of things.
So it was a productive day.

So I guess before I go into it any more, I'll link the video, then I'll talk some more about it after you've watched it. Go Ahead, watch it, I'll see you in 6:44.

Go on!



Now first of all, thanks to my friend Megan for recording it and putting it on youtube.
But as you can see, for a first time I don't think it was too bad. after watching it over, and over, and over again, I feel like there is a lot of stuff I could have fixed up, and done a lot better, so that's the next job.

I think the real important thing is the fact that I didn't run off at any point, apart from when I'd finished of course, that'd been a bit weird else.
"Please leave the stage"
"No! I promised myself I'd never quit!"
and the fact that I got off stage, and instantly thought "Well I want to do that again!"

So I officially have a love for the art, and if anyone knows of any chances for me to do more, I'd be more than happy to hear them!

Joe Strange
I realise that this week's blog has been a bit... strange and lacking, but I'll be back to the normal format this Tuesday. ttfn

'Tis The Season To Be Poorly.

So, looking at this blog page it really does feel like that scene from “Jumanji” where Robin Williams walks into the old shoe factory, something used to be here... but I don’t know what.
That was a lie, I do know what it was, a kick ass blog, so I’m reopening the shoe factory.

So, It’s December, which means; the excitement is here, Christmas is round the corner, and national “get as drunk as you can” night is not far off. But let us face it, there’s one thing we can’t stand about winter, one thing we dread when it comes to November, and it isn’t the sudden ability to consume copious amounts of alcohol in one.
Go into work, school, college, prison, wherever it is you spend your day and look around. Do you see empty seats? Deserted classrooms? Cells left unattended, which has nothing to do with the sudden hole in the wall?
Yes. Of course you do, it’s flipping winter, whenever winter comes about you can stop thinking about being productive and put everything to the side, in fact, I dare say you’d better watch out, and better not cry, you’d better not pout, because, like a slightly rotund, bearded present giver, the cold is coming to town.
That’s right, the cold virus (for you eggheads that’s VURI, now may I suggest leaving this blog because it’s obviously far too light-hearted for your eyes) and all its infectious little buddies are settling down and making camp in you’re immune system. Whether it’s a cough, a tickly throat or the dreaded “what’s going around”, statistically 6 in 4 people you know will be ill at any one time. This poses a dreadful dilemma for those who aren’t ill, even worse, those who are. So I shall, as a return to my article, be attempting to guide people into the ins and outs of being ill, and not getting ill.
First we’ll start with the healthy people or “Winners” as you shall now be known.
For you who hardly every get ill, perhaps a sniffle for a week in November, congratulations, you’ve won the national health lottery, although chance dictates you’re more likely to get a “big’un” in your life, so watch out for that.
My main advice is to stay away form any of the “losers” out there, and if possible go to your nearest radioactive testing facility and “borrow” a hazmat suit, what could possibly go wrong?
Now, I can hear you saying now, “Joe, you disembodied sage, where do you stand on this scale of winners and losers? Where do you come into the national health lottery?” Well I hate to say it guys, but I’m not the one who gets a cold a year, or the sniffles for a week, oh no, I’m the one who can catch, have and get rid of a cold in 36 hours. I’m just that good. Once again I hear you shout “Joe for your own safety, get an illness, you just told us we will all have a big’un! And plus you never described what it was!” well kids I got mine out the way early. Pneumonia at aged 7.
Now for the doomed.
If you are ill, whether it is a cold, flu, an Australian scratch, or pneumonia, take my advice. Stay inside. Don’t bother going to work, school, college, prison, because you will feel just like a leper, because that’s all you are to us healthy people. In fact I am guilty of this myself, today while in one of my classes, a girl came over to me and I asked how she was, she replied “very ill” now without thinking I moved slightly further away from her, but, so I didn’t seem like a grade A twat, I passed it off as a joke, allowing me to be more of a Grade C twat at best.
Also wrap up warm, germs are allergic to scarves and wool, which is the only reason people own scarves and gloves, I mean lets face it, gloves are far too impractical and scarves are a volatile clothing snake ready to kill at the smallest “snag and slip” (also a winter version of the “slip and slide” also a reason why I’m not allowed to create children’s’ games), so why else wear them? The warmth also allows for you to fall asleep better, since heat induces warmth, to a certain degree, I’m pretty sure you couldn’t set up a bed on top of a volcano and say “it’s better than nightol!”, and sleep is another of the illness’s natural predators, it can’t stand the idea of being stationary, not being able to move from one doomed host to the next.
Finally, I’d advise staying away from any kind of farm yard animal. Animals only ever lead to disaster where illness is concerned, we’ve had cows who’ve gone crazy, cat’s with aids (though, that would have to be a different kind of petting zoo) and now pigs with a bad cold.
Now I know it’s old and it’s not “cool” to mock swine flu anymore, but I’m thoroughly anti zombie, and anything that is causing a zombie outbreak deserves a fresh layer of mock paint. This story states that the “carriers” as they shall now be known, have symptoms such as “acting violently and speaking gibberish” expected to be added to that list soon: “shuffling of movements” and “biting of necks”. All very zombie like behaviour. Now before you panic, head up to the attic (zombies can’t climb after all) and ready the rations, note that firstly this is Japan, and secondly it only effects ages up to 17, so basically teenagers. Now if this is only teenagers that are experiencing this, all the above symptoms are really not that unnatural; violence, non sensical sayings, shuffling and now, thanks to the “twilight” craze, biting of necks is now becoming more common, these crazed girls will do anything for that hot guys attention, even it that “attention” is in the form of a court order.
“Ahh, a restraining order! He’s probably afraid he’ll hurt me, aww”
So no real panic, since teenagers have been around for years, decades I’d say, and no zombie apocalypse yet.

Joe Strange

In the month’s I’ve been away I’ve been unable to mock “Twilight” swine-flu or the Japanese in writing, so this was a welcome release for me.