My Festival Education

So with Glastonbury behind us now, I didn’t go but I was assured it was an insane experience, my thoughts this weeks go to festivals and all round excitement about events.

First of all there’s the excitement for the smallest happenings, a party? Everyone prepare with military precision who, what, when where, and then get ready with the hilarious anecdotes about what the crazy guy did that night. There’s always one, and if you don’t know them, you probably are them. In fact it goes further than the preparation, some small events are so saturated with alcohol, flashing lights and squirrels, that it seem like the biggest party in history even if it is just a drink down the pub that went a bit far. Now speaking of a bit far, I’m a relatively calm guy, I’m not one for getting “wrecked” or snorting sherbet through a toilet roll tube (it’s all the rage apparently). But that’s not to mean I don’t enjoy a few glasses of pimms and watching my butler juggle the family cats. But there are some people I know, no names but a lot of respect to these crazy people, which will see my few pimms and a juggling butler and raise me a crate of absinthe and a butler with the hiccoughs swallowing swords. These people truly are insane. They make horrendous claims such as “it must have been a good night, I don’t remember a thing” that sounds rather inconvenient, especially since you can’t figure out how you lost a kidney and grew an extra toe. And my favourite, “F***, What A F***ing Awesome Weekend. Alcohol, Unknown Drunken Injuries, Drink Driving On Dodgems, Sickness, Studio Bar, Skinny Dipping.... F*** Glasto, The Party Is Right Here.” (edited for your young pretty little minds)
This guy is so excited about a small celebration that he said to Glastonbury; “No, screw you, and your atmosphere and music, I’m fine being inebriated at a fair ground”

Before this year Glastonbury never really appealed to me, bands who I most likely won’t like, mud everywhere and sleeping out in the cold? When you’re as picky with music as me you get hesitant about spending a lot of money to see a few bands, most of which you’re not sure of if you can even stand. Of course you say that to any music fanatic and they will assure you, with a lot of force, I mean a lot of insistence, non of which is violent, that it’s not just a “few” bands, and in fact the atmosphere is something not to be scoffed at, in fact some say it is to be gawped at, and that if you say this again they will shove a small, claustrophobic mammal down your throat so it can reside there until the fear gets too much and it claws it’s way out. Apparently. So I now I have been educated in the awesomeness that is Glastonbury and the music there, I still have to be persuaded that the mud, strangers, cold and over all socialising is all worth it. It’s apparent that it is, according to eye witness reports, it doesn’t always rain at “Glasto”, not every one is going to murder you and jumpers are on sale everywhere. Oh and socialising isn’t all that bad either.

And well, looking at the past line up, well the one that was this weekend, there are so many stages and acts I must like at least one of them right? Yeah I thought so. It may be because I’m only a country boy trying to live the city life (on the basis I know how a computer works) but previously I thought all people wanted to hurt me. Who wouldn’t, with all this scare mongering about killers and stuff? I was also under the impression that the cold would kill you and that the only good company to keep was tree’s, sheep, and people you’ve known ever since you learnt to judge character. But apparently my West Country teaching was all a lie, and the above facts aren’t even true!
So I’m sold, on Glastonbury.

This all came to me about 9 months ago (it was just under 9 months later that I realised Glastonbury might not be terrible) when I was at a BBQ on one of the sunny days in the abyss of terrible weather that was last years “Summer”. I was talking to a new “friend” about comedy (my go to conversation) when some drunk old man comes into the kitchen and leans over the counter to us and says in a gravelly yet wise voice. “I couldn’t help overhearing that you like comedy” yes I replied to the drunken mentor. “Well may I kindly suggest…” a very long pause. Yes I thought, you can suggest anything kindly, just don’t bring out a blade (I was still under the impression all people where out to get me by now) “… that you go to the Edinburgh festival, its full of comedy, and some gigs are free, and you can heckle at the crap ones” Great I thought, it had already crossed my mind. But my doubts about the huge venues and lack of funds had kept me back from seriously thinking about it until then, but this drunken guy had told me it wasn’t too much of a problem, and so far he hadn’t brought a knife to my throat so he also threw that “lie” out of the water.

So a year or so later, I have decided to get my act together and organise a trip to Edinburgh for the festival in august, 5 days of comedy and theatre shows, and so far, in the planning stages it hasn’t blown up too badly. In fact we are almost ready to go, just got to wait until the date and save up for what will most likely be the funniest, most expensive 5 days of my ever so short life thus far.

Joe strange

I’m taking a break from my usual comical quips to say that during my Edinburgh trip I will most likely be keeping a blog and will have a few videos of the trip. How I intend to keep the “real time” blog without a computer, I don’t know, I may do a retrospective blog on the Saturday when I get back to Cornwall. So stay tuned!