I Need You Boots Your Clothes And You To Stop Poking Me.

This Week I want to talk about thresholds, and not the boundaries around your house, that'd be a boring subject. Well less boring than this one anyway.

So the idea for this one came from a pretty surreal source, and like most small thoughts they evolved into something that actually I thought I may be able to write about. How wrong was I? I was watching Terminator 2 a few nights ago and I don't know if you've seen it but there is a scene where a little kid pokes Arnie in the cheek about 4 times, and since he's a robot, he isn't allowed to show emotions. Now think how many takes that scene actually took? I know he's a great actor and all but I'd get ruddy peeved off if a kid kept jabbing me in the face, and since the first rule of showbiz is not to work with kids, we have to immediately assume that the reason behind this is because kids make everyone annoyed with their crying and whining and ballsing up, so if he add a fair 15 takes onto that and times the amount of times Arnie gets poked (4) we get 60 pokes in the face. I would not have the threshold for that much facepokery, so on that note I thought to myself as I lie in bed, "what is my threshold for annoyance, and anything else for that matter?"

Annoyance
As previously mentioned my threshold for annoyance doesn't succeed a few pokes in the face. Ever since i was a kid I had a short fuse, I suppose it comes with having such ammunition as a surname, I got tired of jokes easily and I still cant stand someone repeating themselves over again, so that scene in terminator would have been very different if I was the Austrian body builder. this also accounts for the reason my acting career will never take flight, since imagine if there was a job where you have to repeat yourself 100's of times? Devastating.

Pain
Now here's a fun one, my threshold for pain is the equivalent to that of a small child thrown against a wall by an Austrian body builder after 1 too many pokes to the face. I am truly terrible with pain, in fact I seem to be cursed with this since every time I say that sentence; "I Don't Like Pain" I seem to get into an accident which proves my point exactly, last year whilst on a bike ride I said to a friend, I don't like pain, and I fell down a "cliff" (See Big Hill) and couldn't move for 2 days. On the beach the other day, a mere hour after stating the claim I attempted a downhill cartwheel chain and buggered my wrist up royally. I say royally, most people could have shock it off, but not this small child thrown against a wall! So Expect me next week to be talking about an accident with a brick involving my head since I've said "the" phrase twice in the last paragraph

Bad Comedy
I'm willing to give anything a chance, a sitcom, a stand up, a whiny celebrity with some merit. But I find it hard to put up with things I feel so strongly about, like drugs, abortion and the over use of the word random in today's youth. For instance I am not the worlds biggest fan of Dane Cook. He's a terrible comedian who isn't funny and steals other peoples jokes, plus he just LOOKS like a douchebag, and I have attempted to give him a chance I have, I watched him kill a theatre full of peoples sense of humour for 10 minutes straight, I watched him ruin the great film "waiting" hell, I even sat through "my best friends wedding" but he just isn't funny, in fact, I'd go as far to say he is UN funny. and a douche, don't forget that.

Film
My threshold for Film is also controlled by a few ground rules: If there are more than 3 explosions, various one liners, a guy that looks like Ben Folds or robots in the trailer, i will most likely see it, if the title ends in "....Movie" I wont touch it, if it has Keanu Reeves, the acting will most likely be more like cardboard than a "Shreddies" box, for full frontal nudity of Jason Segal there must be at least 1 hot actress. per testicle. and finally when it comes to chick flicks, soppy stories, rom com's involving Colin Firth, or a film where the pet is the mian character, the rule all boyfriends and dating men should abide by to avoid disappointment, If It gets Me Laid, It Gets Played.

Joe Strange

Attempted to go an entire blog about poking faces without mentioning Pokerface.