There's Been A Murder!

Call it what you want, it's man's greatest invention, it keeps us from going insane, it keeps us from hurting ourselves and overall progressing as a species.

I'm talking of course about procrastination. Dirty as that sounds, it's also none as "Time Wasting" "Killing the Clock" and "Doing it Dreckly" if your cornish, which is how we do everything we do ever. It's not "Tim's Special Time", "The Reasons Why Cornflakes Were Invented" or "The Reason Your Single"
(Second paragraph and the masturbation joke is in the bag. Brilliant.)

See now as a teenage Cornish Male I am a god when it comes to "putting off today what I can do tomorrow"; Piece of coursework to hand in? Its due on Monday, it'll be fine. Girl of your dreams to ask out? She'll still be single tomorrow! Handing in that witness report? He wont kill on a Sunday surely?
What I'm saying is that time isn't meant to be killed, but it is. It's like how we're suppose to have 5 fruit and veg a day, we say we do it, but we don't. We say we are working, but we're just watching people on youtube catch fire.

And don't say you don't cos just like with "Jim's Special Time", we know you do it, we all do it, and it's nothing to be ashamed of.

No today I want to advertise procrastination some of the best discoveries of mankind I'm sure are down to this wonderfully dirty sounding word, How else do you think scientists found about liquid you can punch, throw and run on, yes run on

The yo-yo, the football, the Wayne Rooney are all examples of when man had too much time on his hands and decided to screw mother nature and make fun with things that aren't twigs and berries. or rocks... unless cave-dude invented that cos he got tired of listening to his cave-wife's whining.

Even things that make up our diet are due to man's wandering brain and inquisitive (some may say creepy) tendencies. Think about milk, who saw a cow and thought, "Hey! that giant dog has four erect pink things I'm sure something lovely will happen if I tug them in sequence" I'm sure he was disappointed with the taste of the stuff that came out, but someone wasn't and look, we now have 3 types of cow juice, colour coordinated, hard cow juice to put on toast and crackers and slightly softer cow juice to spread on bread and to lube a fat kid with when he gets stuck in a slide. Now cast your mind to eggs. Where do they come from? Chickens, lovely animals to eat, but which sick SOB was sitting their eyeing up his dinner and thought "Im sure that hard white thing that the dinner crapped out will taste lovely with some pig and cow milk!" and that's when the omelette was born.

Procrastination also helped me get over the futility of my revision and exam period, psychology was just around the corner, and knowing I didn't have enough time to learn the entire syllabus I sat down, got my books out and of course, I learnt how to throw cards. Today whilst I'm sure I could have been working on research or something I found myself having a throwing card fight under some stairs. Am I a better person because of it? Hell yeah I have the mark on my face to prove I need to procrastinate more and learn how to dodge better.

My favourite example of procrastination I've ever committed was this time last year, my Science GCSE exam was coming up and, as much as I needed and wanted to revise for the modules on chemistry, biology and astrology or whatever it was, so i sat down at my computer, pulled up the internet and bitesize, realised that was useless, realised my books were in my locker and started to write a story, the story turned out to be a 5 chapter beginning and was never finished because it went missing. So I was putting off revising for one exam, by revising for another exam. Thats procrastination at it's best.

But unfortunately as much fun as time wasting is, it has got a bad reputation because of the fact teenagers do it, and in all fairness, it may help with many useless talents and fun new abilities, it doesn't help you progress with work, relationships or the ultimate goal of finding out what it was that was in starburst joosters which made them so delicious and so deadly.

Joe Strange

If you were effected by any issues in this weeks blogs send a formal letter of complaint to your nearest Tescos. Every Little Helps.