1,2,3,4: I Declare A Gang War

OK, so last week I talked about how I am really fed up of deadlines, now that was something which had been slowly chipping away at my sanity like some sort of annoyance woodpecker, now tonight, I am talking about something that, instead of a woodpecker is a full grown ostrich tearing at my sanity. Now I don't like to complain too much, but I think tonight's topic is going to be a home hitter for everyone, Young People.

Now I'm not talking about my age group, or older, or even slightly younger, in fact I think the cut off point is 15. you see, at 16 -18 year old we are finding our way in the world, choosing things that actually matter, and making important life decisions, now I don't want to get on my high horse, mainly because that would involve either a step ladder or the ability to ask for help, both of which I am lacking, but see 15 year olds and younger, they are all just trying to grow up too fast.

"thanks for stating the obvious there Joe." I hear you say, well stop shouting so loud and let me speak, you see, kids aren't just putting make up on by the time they are toddling, or drinking drinks that are blue enough to make your discretion look like a depressed smurf by the time they learn the ABC, they, oh wait another one, or having sex before they turn double digits, anyway, they're not just doing all these crazy things that they assume are "cool" or "hip" (yes in that sentence I was playing the part of the geography teacher who is "Down with the kids" you know who you are and you make me sick) you see those who aren't in a hurry to catch an STI or to kill their liver before they start developing an immune system, they're too worried about taking on responsibility that they shouldn't have.

I know this, because I was one of those kids, the ones that didn't have any fun in their early teens. You see, pressure is being piled on young people now a days more than make up is piled on Angelina Jolie. At 6 they have their first standardised test, at 11 they have to choose what secondary school they want to go to, at 14 they have to choose their options, now this one really annoys me, schools emphasise the importance of these options, saying that they will shape your life forever, which is pure and utter, 100% natural organic bull plop.

For instance, I took History at GCSE, sensible choice I hear you say? Once again stop speaking so loudly, and no it wasn't, at A level, I'm doing psychology, media, English and drama. Well those subjects have some good aspects of history in them? No they don't, not the way GCSEs give you everything you need on the island which is the exam, lifeboat of correct phrasing, the flare of answering technique, and I see a distinct lack of the ham sandwich of background knowledge! do schools not realise we take these subjects because we enjoy learning about it, and we want to know about it, not about how to answer the question.

So kids today have taken it upon them to shape themselves much too early, and have therefore seen the adult gang films, and realised, "adults are like that, I think we should be like that too!"
This is were all the negative stigma which is associated with young people stems from walk around a town and tell me with an honest face that you are not even the smallest amount intimidated when a group, neigh, swarm of small, addidas clad, cap wearing, trainer scuffing gnats slowly laze towards you. You can't, it is all ridiculous, this is also were the idea of cliques and social norm comes from, gangs! groups of friends you hang out with at primary grow into people you barely recognise at secondary, and then you are part of the swarm, scaring old biddies off they're flymo.

Now here is my solution, when you have kids, be it 2 years, 20 years, or even right now, please don't let them get overwhelmed, talk to them and tell them, the big choices don't start until they turn 15 or 16. Then they can start stressing, having sex and drinking radioactive waste. or else, like me you'll just spend thousands of pounds per annum on ostrich repellent.

Joe Strange
Really hopes his old geography teacher doesn't have his new address.

Expendable Deadlines.

First of all let me apologise for not updating in a LONG time, because it's sort of ironic since work load and work related problems is what I'm going to talk about. One thing we all prepare for, we dread if we aren't prepared, and we cant wait to be over. No, not the awkward first date with a life long friend, not attempting to move the huge fat guy that passed out on you at that wild party you went to, not even accurately and in brilliant, graphic detail explaining to your lecturer how your bowel movements have had you more committed to your bathroom than a 14 year old who had their first shot and that is the reason you haven't been attending classes, none of these things, but Deadlines.

Deadlines are like the rotten grape of time (yes in this analogy your mere existence is being turned into a fruit basket), you get it, inevitably. You pick it up, throw it to the back of the basket (your mind)and leave it there, carelessly. Little do you know the rottenness is actually a bacterial grape infection and will pass onto all your other fruit, eventually, as all the grapes are gone, all you are left with is a few mouldy pears, a brown banana and the one grape. The deadline. You have to eat that grape, or else you wont get your 5 a day, and we know how bad that is in this health crazed society (or miss the deadline in this analogy keep with me!)you think, oh that's fine, ill just help my self to a pear of socialising or a banana of relationships, but no, the deadline has infected them too, making it impossible for you to eat anything until the grape is gone.

If you followed that you are a saint.

What I'm saying is that deadlines, when not dealt with properly will destroy your life, even if you just threw the grape a little to the back, it wouldn't have screwed up the relationship with the girl in your drama class you have been silently admiring for the last month.(the banana) and if you had dealt with the project, assignment, payment as soon as you could have, you would have had a whole fruit basket for yourself.

But see now, lets say, you stomach it, you eat the grape, your project that you spent 8 hours painstakingly cutting down to fit to the word limit is finished, the deadline is today, your elated, once this day is over your finished with it. You look smugly around the class, to your left, a person is scribbling on what seems to be a mixture of napkin and toilet paper, to your right, a young woman explaining to your lecturer, in graphic detail, how she could see the complete contents of her lunch in her stools over the last 3 weeks. You looked down with a proud smile at your glistening folder, you put off a date with the cute girl from drama to finish this early, she understood, admired your for your commitment to your studies and allowed you a second try. This grape was nothing compared to the HUGE banana waiting next Friday at 7. You make eye contact with your lecturer, stand up and pass him your folder.
"Oh yes, well due to the fact that Timmy has ink on the last of the buildings toilet paper and Jenny has been inebriated, the deadline has been shifted to next week"
In the history of the universe has never been a better use of the verb "Face Palm"

That is my problem with deadlines, they pester you for weeks, then when they come around, they get moved, and moved and moved. Let me tell you, this would never have happened with the fat guy.

Joe Strange
Perhaps banana was the wrong fruit to use for relationships.