Ah, so, this weeks, and last weeks, and possibly the weeks before? I honestly can't remember, blog posts are non-existent. This is almost completely due to a large, nay massive load of work for college recently.
Last week I chose to change the blog day to Wednesday in a hope to make it more possible to write one, but since I have a second year practical examination in Drama in 7 days (that's right, one week) today has been a bit hectic and I haven't had time to write anything. Tomorrow I will write an entry, and work permitting, I'll write one at the weekend, then next week all should be back to normal.
Joe.
New time slot of Wednesdays don't forget.
Wednesday, 24 March 2010
Wednesday, 3 March 2010
I Dream Of A Time Machine
So, not only is the title of this blog autobiographical, it's also a possible name for my first stand up show. For those who don't know I love my dreams, I've started making a record of them as of late, but that's a story for next week. Meanwhile, here's the explanation for last weeks nonblog and this week's lateness.
The real topic for this week is the second part of the saying, the whole "Time Machine" bit. I've always been fascinated with time, and Back To The Future is one of my all time favorite films. Recently, however, I've begun to resent time, and all it represents. which is normal i suppose, resenting something you are interested in, I mean someone who is really interested in venomous snake's isn't going to think "Oh crikey, this is lucky, I've always wondered how this would have felt, glorious day!" when bitten by a viper.
As you may have picked up, I'm a student, this leaves people like me with a large amount of work, and a constant desire for another four hours in each day. With assignments and coursework covering our free time more inefficiently than an overweight driving instructor, we are very rarely not stressed or strained, and therefore we come across as aggressive or angry, which has developed into a negative stigma attached to our entire generation. We are the ones, by the way, who are being blamed for everything; "global warming? well that's clearly young people's energy consumption"; "Street violence? Young people's gang culture that was totally not around before 1997"; "That weird smell old people give off?..." Ok so maybe not everything.
But it's not just we young people who're affected negatively by time; sometimes real life adults have to deal with a time restraint or deadline. This is what I am blaming for the adults unpredictable change in moods which rival even the most hormonal teenager. Add to this the constant worry about growing old, I'd say time is one of the top causes behind stress, behind workloads, children and call centres for real life adults.
But I'm not really wanting to talk about time restrictions and what not, even though I've spent about two hundred words talking about it. Really I want to talk about the ability to travel through time, hence the time machine title, and fix bad things that you've done, or mistakes you've made, And I'm sure I'm not the only person who thinks this sort of thing.
Imagine, it would be just like being able to have a "save game" feature in life, except you don't have to pre-think the save, just rewind and try again: Tripped over a paving stone in front of an attractive member of the opposite sex? Just rewind and pick up your feet. Mess up your order in a restaurant? Reverse back and learn to pronounce the kicking K in Bruschetta. Propose to someone who doesn't really love you? Oh well you get the idea.
But you know what? I think the most useful thing that I'd use the time machine for would be something I alluded to a while ago in one of my entries, when you like someone and are too afraid to say anything to them, because you're so infatuated when you speak to them you turn into a sort of putty creature (soft and squishy on the inside, not the putties from power-rangers... they were lame). The a few weeks, months or years later you find out that they had the same feelings towards you. This has happened to me on countless occasions, and has annoyed, angered and caused great distress each and every time. Now if you were able to use a delorian, or watch, or tea cosey to travel back to that first incident, you'd be pretty happy I reckon.
But then again, time is so complex, and the Universe so deep that there is probably a reason for everything that happens, and there is probably a reason I never asked Ms Sayles out when she was single in year 8.
Joe Strange
Ironically, he doesn't wear a watch
The real topic for this week is the second part of the saying, the whole "Time Machine" bit. I've always been fascinated with time, and Back To The Future is one of my all time favorite films. Recently, however, I've begun to resent time, and all it represents. which is normal i suppose, resenting something you are interested in, I mean someone who is really interested in venomous snake's isn't going to think "Oh crikey, this is lucky, I've always wondered how this would have felt, glorious day!" when bitten by a viper.
As you may have picked up, I'm a student, this leaves people like me with a large amount of work, and a constant desire for another four hours in each day. With assignments and coursework covering our free time more inefficiently than an overweight driving instructor, we are very rarely not stressed or strained, and therefore we come across as aggressive or angry, which has developed into a negative stigma attached to our entire generation. We are the ones, by the way, who are being blamed for everything; "global warming? well that's clearly young people's energy consumption"; "Street violence? Young people's gang culture that was totally not around before 1997"; "That weird smell old people give off?..." Ok so maybe not everything.
But it's not just we young people who're affected negatively by time; sometimes real life adults have to deal with a time restraint or deadline. This is what I am blaming for the adults unpredictable change in moods which rival even the most hormonal teenager. Add to this the constant worry about growing old, I'd say time is one of the top causes behind stress, behind workloads, children and call centres for real life adults.
But I'm not really wanting to talk about time restrictions and what not, even though I've spent about two hundred words talking about it. Really I want to talk about the ability to travel through time, hence the time machine title, and fix bad things that you've done, or mistakes you've made, And I'm sure I'm not the only person who thinks this sort of thing.
Imagine, it would be just like being able to have a "save game" feature in life, except you don't have to pre-think the save, just rewind and try again: Tripped over a paving stone in front of an attractive member of the opposite sex? Just rewind and pick up your feet. Mess up your order in a restaurant? Reverse back and learn to pronounce the kicking K in Bruschetta. Propose to someone who doesn't really love you? Oh well you get the idea.
But you know what? I think the most useful thing that I'd use the time machine for would be something I alluded to a while ago in one of my entries, when you like someone and are too afraid to say anything to them, because you're so infatuated when you speak to them you turn into a sort of putty creature (soft and squishy on the inside, not the putties from power-rangers... they were lame). The a few weeks, months or years later you find out that they had the same feelings towards you. This has happened to me on countless occasions, and has annoyed, angered and caused great distress each and every time. Now if you were able to use a delorian, or watch, or tea cosey to travel back to that first incident, you'd be pretty happy I reckon.
But then again, time is so complex, and the Universe so deep that there is probably a reason for everything that happens, and there is probably a reason I never asked Ms Sayles out when she was single in year 8.
Joe Strange
Ironically, he doesn't wear a watch
Tuesday, 23 February 2010
30th Post!
Ok, so I don't plan to make 30 a new big thing, but Unfortunatly there isn't going to be a crack'd pot this tuesday, perhaps there will be one this week at some point, as long as I get the majority of the 4 projects I have to do done.
Sorry about that,
Sorry about that,
Tuesday, 16 February 2010
Flip!
So it's Tuesday, which means it's time for the Crack'd Pot. But it's also Shrove Tuesday which, to non religious people, (IE Almost everyone I know) means it is Pancake day! I'll let you take that in a minute.
So Pancake day, possibly the greatest day of the year (except maybe talk like a pirate day). It's the day where we make pancakes. It's a plain and simple holiday, a real "Ronseal" Job:
"It's Pancake Day what do you do?"
"Make some Pancakes"
As opposed to:
"It's Christmas day! What do you do?"
"Christ some mass? I'm at a loss"
Really Pancake day is the least confusable day. Which is really pretty sweet, it involves no brain power at all. Which we like. So Happy Pancake day to you.
So, it's obvious that I have forgotten (or never knew) the real reason of Pancake Day, Shrove Tuesday, but apparently it marks the day before Ash Wednesday (which was the second choice in naming the hero of the Pokemon series) and is a time for Christians to repent and clear themselves of sin in preparation for Lent, the whole forty days, forty nights thing that gives fat people a chance to make up on their failed new years resolution of "put down the fork". Which makes some sense to me, this is how the religious people see it:
Flour, Eggs and Milk are the equivalent of our sins
So we use up all the Flour, Eggs and Milk to show repenting our sins.
This leaves us with no Flour, Eggs or Milk, showing we have no sins.
Or, how I see it:
Flour, Eggs and Milk are really hard to find in your cupboard.
We Buy Flour, Eggs and Milk to make pancakes in preparation for our forty days of giving stuff up.
We then have no Flour, Eggs and Milk. Which means fat women have no cake baking ingredients, so they can "put down the fork"
I'm just saying it's one of the religious celebrations which has REALLY lost it's meaning; sure Christmas is commercial as hell, but you still have the whole Jesus thing with pancake day it's lost all meaning and is just about making awesome food. Not that I'm complaining.
That's all I'm saying, that and it's a conspiracy to make fat chicks thin again.
But I'm not here to talk only about Pancakes; those delicious, cakey, pans. No, I want to talk about holidays in general. With Valentine's day just gone (which is just swell), Easter around the corner (an early one this year), Christmas was a month and a half ago, and bonfire night and Halloween shortly before that it's clear to see that winter is a season of holidays.
Now I remember in School the teachers telling us that this was because of the shorter days of winter, and people needing cheering up, which for once, I buy. I mean cases of S.A.D (yeah, awesome mnemonic) are vastly increased in winter, when there's less vitamin D coming from the sun, because the damn clouds cover it (Darn you clouds!). So people need celebrations like Christmas, Bonfire Night, and Valentine's day to make you feel happier (though some may argue Valentine's doesn't make everyone cheery).
But that leaves summer. Now most summers are lovely and warm with the sun out and shining and what not, but if you're English, and live in England, you will have noticed, the sun is not that happy to be out and about in the summer.
Which leads me to my point, why don't we have some sort of holiday celebration in summer? almost every month has one up until June, and then after September, but there is a lull halfway through the year.
Thinking about it, it's quite simple. Everyone is happier in the summer in general, the sun has more chance of coming out, (now it's starting to sound like a closet homosexual) and most people have time off.
And, I suppose we do have holidays in the summer, just not religious ones. For music lovers, there's Glastonbury, for Comedy Lovers there's the Edinburgh festival Fringe, for Art lovers there's the Festival itself, and for sports lovers.. well I'm sure there's some sort of championship. This leads me to believe that summer is actually a relatively new invention, and the creators of this season realised we didn't have that much going on in those three or four months, so gave us these new "modern" things.
So once again in "The Crack'd pot" the point has been alluded and all discussion nullified.
Happy Pancake day!
Joe Strange
Is pretty damn excited about the summer.
So Pancake day, possibly the greatest day of the year (except maybe talk like a pirate day). It's the day where we make pancakes. It's a plain and simple holiday, a real "Ronseal" Job:
"It's Pancake Day what do you do?"
"Make some Pancakes"
As opposed to:
"It's Christmas day! What do you do?"
"Christ some mass? I'm at a loss"
Really Pancake day is the least confusable day. Which is really pretty sweet, it involves no brain power at all. Which we like. So Happy Pancake day to you.
So, it's obvious that I have forgotten (or never knew) the real reason of Pancake Day, Shrove Tuesday, but apparently it marks the day before Ash Wednesday (which was the second choice in naming the hero of the Pokemon series) and is a time for Christians to repent and clear themselves of sin in preparation for Lent, the whole forty days, forty nights thing that gives fat people a chance to make up on their failed new years resolution of "put down the fork". Which makes some sense to me, this is how the religious people see it:
Flour, Eggs and Milk are the equivalent of our sins
So we use up all the Flour, Eggs and Milk to show repenting our sins.
This leaves us with no Flour, Eggs or Milk, showing we have no sins.
Or, how I see it:
Flour, Eggs and Milk are really hard to find in your cupboard.
We Buy Flour, Eggs and Milk to make pancakes in preparation for our forty days of giving stuff up.
We then have no Flour, Eggs and Milk. Which means fat women have no cake baking ingredients, so they can "put down the fork"
I'm just saying it's one of the religious celebrations which has REALLY lost it's meaning; sure Christmas is commercial as hell, but you still have the whole Jesus thing with pancake day it's lost all meaning and is just about making awesome food. Not that I'm complaining.
That's all I'm saying, that and it's a conspiracy to make fat chicks thin again.
But I'm not here to talk only about Pancakes; those delicious, cakey, pans. No, I want to talk about holidays in general. With Valentine's day just gone (which is just swell), Easter around the corner (an early one this year), Christmas was a month and a half ago, and bonfire night and Halloween shortly before that it's clear to see that winter is a season of holidays.
Now I remember in School the teachers telling us that this was because of the shorter days of winter, and people needing cheering up, which for once, I buy. I mean cases of S.A.D (yeah, awesome mnemonic) are vastly increased in winter, when there's less vitamin D coming from the sun, because the damn clouds cover it (Darn you clouds!). So people need celebrations like Christmas, Bonfire Night, and Valentine's day to make you feel happier (though some may argue Valentine's doesn't make everyone cheery).
But that leaves summer. Now most summers are lovely and warm with the sun out and shining and what not, but if you're English, and live in England, you will have noticed, the sun is not that happy to be out and about in the summer.
Which leads me to my point, why don't we have some sort of holiday celebration in summer? almost every month has one up until June, and then after September, but there is a lull halfway through the year.
Thinking about it, it's quite simple. Everyone is happier in the summer in general, the sun has more chance of coming out, (now it's starting to sound like a closet homosexual) and most people have time off.
And, I suppose we do have holidays in the summer, just not religious ones. For music lovers, there's Glastonbury, for Comedy Lovers there's the Edinburgh festival Fringe, for Art lovers there's the Festival itself, and for sports lovers.. well I'm sure there's some sort of championship. This leads me to believe that summer is actually a relatively new invention, and the creators of this season realised we didn't have that much going on in those three or four months, so gave us these new "modern" things.
So once again in "The Crack'd pot" the point has been alluded and all discussion nullified.
Happy Pancake day!
Joe Strange
Is pretty damn excited about the summer.
Tuesday, 9 February 2010
Complaining 101
It’s the wail of a small child on public transport, who no matter what won’t shut up. It’s the shrill beep of a dying schizophrenic smoke alarm. It’s the stupid high pitched tone that your phone makes when the battery is low.
If any of you are saying “Those are all things that could beat ‘Jedward’ in a singing contest” you were partly right. Because like the subject itself this week, ‘Jedward’ are annoying, in fact the subject matter this week is actually annoyance. Because, we are all humans, and we all get annoyed, sometimes we get peeved for the wrong reasons, other times our restrained growls are completely suitable.
I myself are very easily wound up, I’m assuming it comes with the territory of having 5 older siblings constantly berating me for anything I do, or perhaps it’s because for the first 15 years of my life I had this following conversation with everyone I met:
Idiot: So what’s your name?
Lesser idiot: Joe
Idiot: What’s your second name, Joe?
Lesser idiot: Joe Strange
Idiot: Waaaaay I bet you’re a bit WEIRD, Sorry, can’t talk, my mum told me not to talk to STRANGERS
You can imagine that would get tedious after a while. Add to this a lazy eye, an inability at sports and a quirky nature and you have yourself a grade A piece of easy-to-annoy-pie. Even now that I’ve acknowledged that my name is in fact badass, that my quirky nature is in fact just funny, and that sports suck, I’m still quite easy to tip over the metaphorical edge, for instance today I shouted at a group of people for 5 minutes straight about the inaccuracies of using “Lol’d”. That’s right, I am that guy.
But I’ve found recently that I’m getting annoyed more and more, and not only that, it’s for much more ridiculous things that I’m doing it. So I thought “Joe, You can’t keep getting annoyed at every shrill squeak or retarded laugh, you need to sort yourself out”, therefore I have attempted to determine what is allowed to get me annoyed, and hopefully, you’ll agree and use my rules. If not then why are you reading this? Go out and play!
So, what then, in Joe’s new world of “selective annoyance” classes as annoying? Now these are not steadfast rules so feel free to change them to be more lenient or strict depending on your demeanour but this is a simple set of rules to follow until you find your own threshold.
The senses are the centre of this approach. If an “annoyance stimuli” affects more than two of the 5 traditional senses (Sound, Sight, Smell, Touch or Taste) then it is deemed to be annoying, and the appropriate annoyance responses are as follows:
1 sense: Suck it up and hum a tune in your head, this isn’t annoying, this is just inconvenient.
2 senses: You are allowed to shake your head and sigh to yourself. If you are with another annoyee, you may tilt your head towards the stimuli and sigh,
3 senses: You are permitted to tut disapprovingly and mutter to yourself. As with 2, you may also mutter and moan to your friend so that the annoyee may pick up on the vague subject matter.
4 senses: You begin to throw your arms in the air and say loudly “For Christ’s sake”. You and your partner may talk louder, so the annoyee definitely knows they are in the wrong.
5 senses: Physical violence is now permitted, unless it is a small child, in which case you may pull a scary face and “steal their nose” but do NOT return it. You and your companion may either attempt to beat up the annoyee or outsmart it if they are larger than you in size.
Please remember, these rules only apply when within a confined and or inescapable place, if you have the chance; you are permitted to leave the area after 2 senses have been compromised.
For clarity I will now give you some examples of possible combinations:
1 sense: Loud music emanating from someone’s headphones right next to you. (Sound)
2 senses: A baby who has just soiled itself and is crying about it. (Smell & Sound)
3 senses: Someone is eating bag of smelly crisps, such as cheese and onion, with their mouth open and the shrapnel is being spat at you. (Smell, Sound & Touch)
4 senses: At a gig which your friend assured you would be “your type of music” but in fact isn’t, lights are flashing sporadically, someone has just peed themselves so that they can stay for “the big finale” and a large sweaty man has removed his top and his moist man boobs are rubbing against you (Sound, Sight, Smell & Touch)
5 senses: An ugly baby is crying because it’s soiled itself inside your mouth and just hit you. (All five)
On top of these “sensation annoyances” you are also permitted to be peeved if you have just found out a girl you liked in school liked you at the same time, your favourite band have split, or that they are creating a sequel to IceAge.
What do you mean they have? God Dammit!
Joe Strange
I actually looked up who it is cool to hate, It is Jedward
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